Ask the Cast: What's Up With Bob?

Khelden: Dear Jack and Michael,

Have either of you known Bob before you moved into the flat? In the time in which you have known him, what is the most embarassing incident that has happened to you as a result of him? Why exactly haven't you been able to successfully evict him (or at least move him outside to get rid of the smell), considering that he appears to provide absolutely no contribution to either of your lives?

Yours sincerely,

Khelden

Jack: I'll cover this one. What do you mean, no contribution to our lives? Bob contributes all kinds of stuff, such as...

Michael: You can't think of anything, can you?

Jack: Uh...yes?

Michael: And, in typical Irish style, you seem to be answering the questions backwards.

Jack: I take offence to that. I'm only half Irish.

Michael: We didn't know Bob until we moved in, Khelden.

Jack: Wasn't he there when we arrived?

Michael: Jack and I met at University and we decided to get a flat together.

Jack: I bet Khelden's Irish. He has to be.

Michael: But we realised that we wouldn't be able to afford the rent by oursleves so we advertised for a room-mate. Bob was the only one who applied.

Jack: It must have been destiny.

Michael: It must have been because you wrote the advert, Jack, and specified that people without any ape shouldn't apply.

Jack: Well, if they don't have any ape, they're wasting our time.

Michael: Ape isn't a substance!

Jack: So, that's why we can't evict Bob: we need him to pay the rent. Hang on, I didn't know Bob paid rent.

Michael: Now I think about it, I don't think he does.

Jack: Do any of us pay rent? We don't have jobs.

Michael: I think we borrow money from Charlotte.

Jack: But Charlotte's borrowing money from Amy.

Michael: Well, Amy's father gives her money so I suppose that works out.

Jack: But that means we're living at the whim of Lord Ravencropt! Hey, that would make a good name for a book.

Michael: You're an idiot. God, what was the other question? Most embarrassing incident? I don't know where to begin.

Jack: There was that time he fell asleep on your shoulder and started licking your face. That was pretty bad.

Michael: What? That never happened.

Jack: Oh, that's right, you were alseep as well. You told me the next morning you'd dreamt about dogs.

Michael: That never happened.

Jack: How do you know? You were alseep!

Michael: I think Khelden has a point. Maybe we should move Bob outside.

Jack: Give him a kennel on the balcony, you mean? I don't know. Is that even possible?

Michael: Kennels for humans? No.

Jack: Is it possible to move Bob? I've never seen him move from his computer.

Michael: I've seen him in the living room watching TV. And I've seen him eating in the kitchen. I assume he goes to the toilet.

Jack: But have you ever seen him move?

Michael: I've never even seen him get up.

Jack: The mystery continues...

Michael: Okay, forget Bob. This is my most embarrassing moment, right now.

Jack: Maybe we could lure Bob onto the balcony and lock him out?

Michael: What would we use as bait?

Jack: Although, if he can indeed teleport he could just rematerialise back inside...

Michael: What would use as bait, Jack?

Jack: I don't know. Could we... could we use ape?

Michael: I'm not going to do this with you again.

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