Breakfast Juice

Posted 17:23 10st June 2007

Now onto more important matters. I paid my parents a visit this weekend and I, being the typical student that I am, brought lots of washing with me and went straight for the fridge as soon as I arrived. I was thirsty and in need of a delicious glass of fruit juice. What did I find within the fridge? Apple juice, orange juice and breakfast juice. I made a double-take. I stared at the carton. Breakfast juice? What is this strange substance? Where did it come from? My parents did not know. They ordered their groceries on-line and a few days later the breakfast juice just appeared on their doorsteps. I had my own theories as to its origins but in truth I was previously unaware that juice could be wrung from breakfast itself. Breakfast is, after all, an abstract, a concept, a process. Are we to believe that science has found a juice which tastes like breakfast? Or is their approach more prescriptive? Are they telling us that when we next break fast there is but one juice that must pass our lips - this definitive juice drink which surpasses all others in its breakfastness? There's something so unnerving about the nomenclature being employed that as soon as I saw the carton I instantly imagined someone asking me to "drink their breakfast juice", although the faceless colossus in my mind's eye was proferring no glass.

And in short, I was afraid.

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