Life on the Fourth Floor


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The Fantastic Four

Craptastic Four

Posted 12:00, Monday 15th August 2005

Anyway, I saw The Fantastic Four on Saturday. It wasn't fantastic as such but it was original. No-one's super-powers caused them great pain or landed them with a burden of great responsibility. There wasn't even much of a plot. Basically, a bunch of pretty people gain super-powers and do exactly what anyone else would do. They think it's cool. The villain doesn't really appear until the end and is then easily defeated. Fun is had by all and the audience has a few laughs. Like I said, it's original. The film has little in the way of substance but it isn't trying to be substantial. A.I. was trying to be substantial but just ended up being boring. Just think, they could have made a fun film about cool robots. Just as silly, more entertaining.

Let me make this clear, The Fantastic Four was crap. But it was the endearing, enjoyable kind of crap. A good film to see with friends. Any movie in which Jessica Alba has to strip naked in order to be invisible is fine by me, even if she was horribly miscast. I can't think of a single film which could not benefit from Jessica Alba removing clothing.

Fantastic Four: Preliminary

Posted 1:30 21st June 2007

In the future there are two big things coming up. Next month my sister is getting married - wow. And tomorrow I'm going to see Fantastic Four 2! Probably less wow!

If you do a Google search with the comic's URL in it you can probably find my review of the last Fantastic Four film. I can't remember exactly what I wrote but it was something like "pretty crap but enjoyably so" and something about Jessica Alba getting undressed. Seriously, she was never in-shot sans cleavage throughout that film. You find yourself paying less attention to the plot and just waiting for the twins to reappear. In any other film that would be a bad thing but in this case I think it was actually beneficial to my enjoyment of the film, in much the same way that girls I knew at the time didn't give a shit about Star Wars Episode 2 but wanted to see Hayden Christensen shirtless. They reported back that the film was good but when questioned as to why they could only talk about nipples. If you wondering if anybody fell for the weak-ass bad boy routine of slaughtering sandpeople and then whining about it afterwards, well these girls did. God, that takes me back. So much whining. Now we know where Luke got it from.

The difference is that these girls were 16 and impressionable when that film came out. When the last Fantastic Four flick was released I believe I was taking my first stumbles into manhood but, after scorning their folly, I made the same mistake as they. Should I have recommended the first film? Should I see the second? I mean, I know that any film in which Jessica fucking Alba is the most interesting and watchable cast-member is oridnarily one to avoid. But God damn it I paid to see the last Fantastic Four based on her presence alone and I have come close to buying that bloody DVD on a number of occassions. And I know that she can't act. Or at least I believe she can't act. I would be able to verify this with sensory data if I were able to concentrate on anything above her neck.

I'm a horrible person.

Anyway, I'll post here again after I watch the film and tell you what I thought of it. I'm going to watch it with my friends from high school - I saw The Lord of the Rings, the X-men movies and the shitty Matrix sequels with these guys. They're a blast to hang out with and the sheer energy and manic enthusiasm they bring into the movie-going experience is such that I have fun watching any film with them regardless of its quality. In fact, I usually end up enjoying a film seen with them more than I would have had I seen it with sane people. (Before I realised this I rented the DVDs of bad films that I had previously watched with relish amidst my friends' infectious glee only to find the magic conspicuously missing). When silver surfers rise, there are no more perfect people to laugh and cheer and laugh some more with. And maybe get a pizza afterwards.

No prizes for guessing who I'm going to see Ant-Man with.

Fantastic Four: The Surferning

Posted 16:29 23rd June 2007

You know, I have to admit that I am amazed by how good Fantastic Four 2 was. Although, the official title of the movie is just 4: Rise of the Silver Surfer. According to the title, they're not fantastic this time. They're the Okay Four.

Well, they may have taken the 'fantastic' out of the title but they put a lot of 'fantastic' back into the film itself. The special effects were awesome and for once the special effects were used to tell the story the best way as opposed to showing off the latest technology like "Ooh look we can simulate sand now!"

My friends and I agree that this time round the comedy elements fitted in better with the story, too, unlike the previous instalment, the comedy elements of which raised a few smiles here and there but ultimately jarred with the mood the film was trying to establish.

And even though there was an obligatory Jessica-Alba-gets-naked scene it actually made sense from a plot perspective this time and it was genuinely funny. Also there was much less cleavage this time round - obviously Jessica Alba's breasts want to be taken more seriously as an actress.

Overall it was a very good film: by degrees exciting, humorous, moving and dramatic. It's no Batman Begins but it's certainly up there with the best comic-book-to-movie-adaptations, the worst being The Hulk (which was actually painful to watch) and... well, the first Fantastic Four movie. One for the DVD collection, guys.

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