Avoid The New Internet Explorer

Posted 16:02 (GMT) 12th March 2008

Here's some news. I joined the Internet Explorer 8 beta, like an idiot. It all started when I downloaded Flash version 9. After I’d done that, it started breaking. Sometimes I would watch videos on Youtube without the sound. Sometimes I would hit the Zero Punctuation site only to have videos not appear at all. And David needs his dose of Yahtzee. I was damned if I could find the old version of Flash, either. So I had a better idea – instead of trying to take a step backwards, I'll take a step forwards! And so I download Internet Explorer 8. Like an idiot.

What does it do that version 7 didn't? Well, mostly it breaks. It breaks every time I use it. It breaks with alarming consistency. For example, every time I try to access my favourites it breaks. I know it’s a beta and therefore work-in-progress but I’m having a hard time figuring out how it differs in any way to its predecessor? Except that it doesn’t display web pages properly unless you hit this little button – this button which is the only new feature – a button called 'emulate IE 7'. So that’s great. It only works when it’s pretending not to have changed. And the only change is that it breaks. Always. So I had to uninstall it and install version 7 again.

The lesson? Don't install and version 9 of flash. And if you do, don't install Internet Explorer 8.

Also, don't get drunk in a library and take off all your clothes. No matter how quiet you are, they'll kick you out anyway.

And don't get married on a whim. Especially if the other person is of the same sex and you're not gay.

And don't swallow fish-hooks.

And don't deliberately slam soft parts of your body in car doors.

And don't try break-dancing underwater. That is all.

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