Life on the Fourth Floor


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What the F.U.C.K.?

S.E.X.

Posted 01:43 (GMT) 3rd Octember 2007

Something I've noticed since I moved back to Leeds is this big sign on my way into the University. It's really annoying me - like the plug sockets in The Matrix in the back of people's heads. You know it's there and you feel like you want to touch it, even though you instantly recoil the second you do. I can't help but look at this sign, even though I already know what it says and that I hate it, and I mentally flinch each time.

Let me paint you a picture. It's a black sign with two people on it: this half naked tanned blonde dressed as a bunny girl and this over-excited Tom Cruise look-a-like in sports shades who has blatantly been pasted in from another photo. Like, it's obvious that he's American and she's English and that the two of them have never met. But there they are in the same picture together. And don't let my description of the girl fool you - you may be forgiven for thinking this girl is attractive. I mean it looks okay on paper if you're into cheap, tacky titillation: bunny girl, blonde, tan, not wearing an awful lot. But this girl is thin. Like, weirdly thin. Skeletal, even. And she has a weird face. Maybe she's just in a bad light or she's pulling a weird expression but there's no escaping how thin she is. You can see her ribs. It's gross.

What the hell could plastic weirdly-smiling skeleton girl and over-excited Mountain Dew Scientologist have in common? What could they possibly be advertising. Well, the sign says: I LOVE S.E.X. And just to clarify that they don't mean sex (you know, intercourse) it says underneath Student Entertainment Experience. From this I can infer they mean some sort of crazy night out (during which neither bunny girls nor Tom Cruise will be making an appearance I can guarantee) but let's look at the actual wording here.

Student - There is no way in fucking hell that man and that skeleton are students. There is a certain student look which all students have in some form. We don't wear shades in night clubs and we don't dress like strippers. When was the last time you ever met a stripper with a degree in physics?

Entertainment - So, what, this woman is entertainment? Her role is to entertain? That's sick. So what's the guy for? Is he being entertained? He doesn't look like he's being turned on by a bony woman. He looks like he's just done a wicked flip on his snow board to the extreme. Or maybe I've got this the wrong way round. Maybe he's the entertainment (you know, the kind of entertainment that involves a man in shades shouting at you) and she's just dressed that way because she thinks she's a rabbit. Yeah. The point I'm making is that neither of these people look like they represent entertainment and rather they just needed a word starting with 'e'.

Experience - This word is over-used in advertising. When did you last go to a film, club, bar, pub or restaurant and not experience anything? What the hell is 'an entertainment experience' exactly? They mean 'entertainment'. The 'experience' element is totally redundant. And how about the fact that 'experience' starts with an 'e'?

They should have just put I LOVE S.E.E. or, more concisely, I LOVE S.E. Ah, but then it wouldn't spell out 'sex' I hear you cry. Well, why does it have to? If you go to a club you're not guaranteed sex. It's not a brothel. They're not going to have a big orgy on the dance floor, they're going to get rat-arsed, listen to shitty music and dance or, for the most part, try to dance awkwardly. If you want to have sex you can just as easily do it at home, for free. I wasn't aware that sex was meant to be the primary means by which students entertain themselves. Plus we're not six-year olds, we're adults aged 18-24. We don't need 'sex' spelling out and cunningly disguised using some piss-poor acronym - it's obvious they thought up the S.E.X. before they thought up what it stood for. Plus how about the fact that the image we're presented with isn't remotely sexy?

I suppose the point is that the student as a caste of society is by degrees the most heavily stereotyped, the most over-hyped and the most reviled (by middle-aged working class right-wingers who were educated at the University of Life thank-you-very-much). When someone makes a piss-poor poster of the 'sexy student lifestyle x-perience' it's an example of media hype built out of stupid cardboard cut-out stereotypes cynically thrown together by someone with nothing but contempt for his or her demographic. It's cheesy, it's degrading and it's downright patronising. It begs the question: what kind of slack-jawed moron would fall for such a stupid campaign and are they indeed an x-perienced student? Can they even read? Are they convinced they're a rabbit?

N.Y.E. Urgh.

Posted 02:24 (GMT) 8th January 2007

Anyway, the stupid 'I love S.E.X.' poster is back. In October I complained bitterly about it. Well it's back again this year, only now it's 'I love N.Y.E.'

They must read my news posts. They must be doing this just to annoy me. No part of this makes sense! Allow me to explain.

N.Y.E. stands for 'Nue Year Experience'. What? So, 'experience' starts with an 'e' when it refers to years but not when it refers to dubious student entertainment? If you're going to be a moron you might as well be moronic consistently! 'N.Y.E.' doesn't even spell anything! They might as well have stuck to their guns and spelled it with an 'x'. It's so frustrating! And why is 'new' spelled wrong? Because this shindig is taking place at Nue Bar, of course. So, it's a pun? Well, not really, because it doesn't make sense. I mean, in what way will 2008 be a Nue year? Will this bar somehow represent the next twelve months? It's like saying "I think this year will be a Pizza Hut kinda year."

And the skeletal bunny girl is back, squashed into the edge of the advert. No guy this time, they only had a few inches to spare and they needed someone creepily thin. Good thing the blonde bunny girl is going to this party too! If she had decided to stay home with some DVDs and a frozen pizza (covered in chopped carrot and rabbit droppings, naturally) they would have been fucked.

All in all, I'm glad they're advertising new year experiences. Some people don't get to experience the new year. For them it's still 2007.

AND NOW THE CONCLUSION...

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Taken from BBC News website Wednesday, 11 March 2009

'Drink and sex' ads broke rules

Linking cheap alcohol with sex broke the rules, said the watchdog

Nightclub adverts aimed at students which linked cheap drinks with sex broke industry rules, a watchdog said.

The posters in Leeds declared "I love S.E.X." and showed shots of spirits for £1 alongside provocative pictures.

Mimicking the phrase "I love New York" and using the heart symbol, the club promoted its "Saturday Entertainment Xperience" using the initials S.E.X

The Advertising Standards Authority (ASA) said the promotion breached social responsibility rules.

The posters had promoted discounted drinks with the phrases: "£1 shots! Sambuca - tequila - yes!" and "£2 vodka Red Bull - yes!"

Appealing

While the ASA rejected complaints the adverts were offensive or unsuitable for children, it found that they linked drinking alcohol with sex.

Their ruling said: "While the clothing and poses of the women were not in themselves likely to be considered sexually provocative or sexually explicit, their appearance was likely to be considered attractive and appealing to young people wanting to meet and socialise.

"We considered that to show the images in conjunction with the phrase 'I love S.E.X.' evoked an atmosphere of sociability that focused at least in part on sexual activity.

"We considered that, in the context established by those elements of the ad, the circles that stated '£1 shots! Sambuca - tequila - yes!' and '£2 vodka Red Bull - yes!' went beyond advertising alcohol at the event simply in the context of price or entertainment and linked it with sexual activity."

The event promoter Taking Liberties said the posters did not claim that drinking alcohol would lead to sexual conquests and that the drinks prices were displayed as independent parts of the design.

The ASA said the adverts must not be used again and future promotions must not link alcohol and sex.

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Do you hear that? It's the sound of my soul getting better.

My favourite part: "The event promoter... said the posters did not claim that drinking alcohol would lead to sexual conquests."

At least now I know why they were being so coy. They were breaking industry guidelines.

"No, listen listen. This is just one big misunderstanding. S.E.X. doesn't stand for sex! Why would you think that? It stands for... student entertainment experience."

"No, that would be S.E.E. Or S.E. I mean, when was the last time someone was entertained with exeperiencing it? It's redundant."

"But--"

"Take down the billboard."

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